Bzzt

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Bzzt - via Halo.Bungie.org

Contents

Mysterious postings at the HBO forums, by a user named ISitInA (isitinawooden@gmail.com) - the name is believed to imply "Chair" (I Sit In A Wooden...?)

Characters

Interacting characters have been identified as

  • "HIVE" (primary A.I., always leads with "bzzt" and bold text)
  • "Chair" (ISitInA)
  • "Helen" (secondary A.I., uses italic text)

Other characters include

  • F484
  • WINNEBAGO
  • GOOSE
  • TREE
  • DAKOTA
  • BALL

Messages

March 9 (2612-03-06 1452 SST)

(link) Subject: "Captain, not everybody is blowing you off..."

To: Cpt********.1465.UNSC.THESEUS
From: ISitInA.ERROR DATA UNAVAILABLE
Origin: ERROR DATA UNAVAILABLE
Recieved: 03/05/2612, 1452 SST
Sent: ERROR DATA UNAVAILABLE
Classifications: Captain's Eyes Only, Message Archival Allowed, Neural Net Upload Permissions Denied
Attachments: 1 (E21A9.6411A.7, 120 MB)
Subject: Captain, not everybody is blowing you off...

Captain,

I recently came across your request for information on Orion F484. How you even came across his name is beyond me, let alone what few salient facts you seem to possess. Considering the classified nature of the events surrounding everything that transpired, it's no surprise that your request was shot dead. I'm going to give you a gentle word of advice – keep up your requests, and you'll be the same way.

But there are two types of people in ONI. There are those who work behind a desk and whose monitors are tinted rose, or there's people who work in the field enough to know when to let the rules occasionally slip by the wayside. Sometimes by leaking information to select individuals you can get a return on your investment, so to speak. Other times... Well.

Your rebuttal to the initial denial is surprisingly detailed. The reasons you listed are, in fact, valid. Surprisingly so. The people in charge of these things may have said no, but I feel that the risk is worth it.

While I have access to all the information that you've requested, getting it to you will take some time. I have to move slowly. The combination of files, audio reports, and reconstructed footage from troopers can't be moved instantly without drawing attention. It would do neither of us any good if I were to be caught. I've set up a site that you'll have to log into in order to gain access to the information.

If you need to contact me for some unknown reason, I've set up an account. Most of the time, don't hold your breath waiting for an answer. But when I can, and when I feel like it...

And, obviously, all of this remaining a secret shouldn't even need to be mentioned.

Sincerely,

Chair

***********
Note by Hive: BZZT! Captain, I have encountered additional encrypted data within this message using a separate key. The encryption keys are old enough to be added to my own databanks upon my creation due to our frequent status in the outer regions of humanity's occupied zone, in case we encountered any of the number of missing ships from the war. Below is the unencrypted message.
*************
Are you getting this?
*************

(link) Subject: "E21A9.6411A.7"

*************
Note by Hive: BZZT! Captain, this message is heavily encrypted. The encryption keys are old enough to be added to my own databanks upon my creation due to our frequent status in the outer regions of humanity's occupied zone, in case we encountered any of the number of missing ships from the war. However, the message is either corrupt or is meant to be displayed utilizing programs that I do not have access to. Below is the unencrypted message, reconstructed to the best of my abilities.
*************

From: WINNEBAGO
To: GOOSE
Date: [REDACTED]
BE ADVISED SUBJECT F484 HAS CHANGED HIS BROWSING HABITS SINCE CONTACT. BROWSING HABITS SEEM FOCUSED ON RESEARCH INTO KEYWORDS “UNSC”, “ONI”, AND “RECRUITMENT PROTOCOL”. TWO LEVEL THREE WATCH SITES VISITED. SEVEN LEVEL FOUR WATCH SITES VISITED. AVERAGE TIME BROWSING WATCH SITES: 6.38 MINUTES. AVERAGE TIME BROWSING CLEAR SITES: 21.13 MINUTES. WATCH YOURSELF, HE'S GATHERING INTEL. MEETING MAY BE DICEY.
OUT

Transcript 272A6.E441D.6-C, 02/13/2517, 13:27PM GLT (audio log corrupt)
F484: Um, hello?
GOOSE: I'm glad that you could make it.
F484: Yeah, well, it's not every day that you get an invitation from ONI. Don't you guys believe in recruitment stations?
GOOSE: Normally, yes. I must say, you're more direct than I anticipated.
F484: And you're trying to ease into a difficult topic. I took psychology, you know.
GOOSE: Your junior year of high school. One semester.
F484: The teacher and I didn't get along. (PAUSE, 1.2 SECONDS) But you knew that.
GOOSE: You were valedictorian, graduating three years in advance of your typical age group. One year in college. Best scores were in soft sciences, computers, and history. Worst was... math, oddly enough. Surprising for somebody going for a technology degree. Suspended three times in high school for initiating acts of violence. All of which were against students colloquially known as bullies. Twelve more incidents in your record for acts of violence, each time claiming that you were trying to break up the fight. Brains and brawn are a rare combination.
F484: You guys really do your homework, huh?
GOOSE: The Intelligence part isn't for irony.
F484: Okay, so what do you want with me? I'm too young to join.
GOOSE: Recruiting Directive 2473.C. Any youth having graduated from high school or the equivalent with one semester of college exceeding 4 hours may be recruited with the condition that they may not be put in any position with the possibility of seeing combat until such time as they reach the age of 18, so long as parental permission is given.
(SILENCE LASTS FOR 12.8 SECONDS)
GOOSE: I know. The implications are heavy. Training as a soldier, so young. Boot camp would be hard. The hardest thing... No, I'll spare you what the recruiters say. Instead, I'll be honest with you. The only jobs you'll get earning a degree here is a job out here. And you want to see the galaxy, don't you? Maybe even see Earth one day. For that, you'll need the sort of credentials you can't get out here. No, I take that back. You can. But the kind of credentials that you'll get by working for the UNSC will far outweigh those. You'll be working with cutting edge technology that's so new it's classified. On top of that, you'll be saving-
F484: You realize that my mother is a Insurrectionist sympathizer, right?
GOOSE: Excuse me?
F484: Mom's a sympathizer. Dad's a loyalist, though. It's why we're not allowed to talk politics at home, even if it's about school. Leads to Dad winding up in the ER with a busted nose and Mom apologizing for a week.
GOOSE: And you?
F484: What about me?
GOOSE: Where do... I see. You've put some thought into this meeting. (PAUSE, 1.2 SECONDS) You've already given thought about joining the UNSC, haven't you?
F484: It's a good chance to save some lives and get hands on education. (PAUSE, 3.7 SECONDS) It's not every day that ONI itself comes to recruit somebody, is it? Have I done something?
GOOSE: Not entirely, no. We are forming a team in the future, and are looking ahead as quickly as possible.
F484: (APPREHENSIVE TONE) So, I'd be working for you, then? For ONI?
GOOSE: We aren't all spooks, you know. Most of us work in an office. I'm not allowed to divulge any information about what's going on, but I can say this. Though ONI has a hand in the formation of this team, unless authorized to do so by UNSC Command, you won't take orders from us.
F484: Orion?
GOOSE: Like I said, I can't say anything about it at this time.
F484: But you can later?
GOOSE: If you agree. Our time frame is, sadly, limited.
F484: How limited?
GOOSE: If you were to agree, we would have to leave by the end of the month at the very latest. I'd prefer to leave sooner.
F484: That's not a lot of time.
GOOSE: No, it isn't.
F484: How'm I supposed to convince my parents that fast?
GOOSE: (LAUGHTER) I'll come by tomorrow to speak with them personally. Even if what you said about your mother is true, and I believe that when I see it, I believe that I can convince them that this is the right thing.
F484: Is it the right thing?
GOOSE: I like to think so.
TRANSCRIPT ENDS

To: BALL
From: GOOSE
Date: [REDACTED]
FOXTROT-404 HAS AGREED. I WILL BE MEETING WITH HIS PARENTS TOMORROW TO SECURE THEIR PERMISSION. I SHOULD NOT HAVE GIVEN HIM TWO DAYS TO PREPARE TO SPEAK WITH ME. MY OWN MISTAKE. HOWEVER, I BEGIN TO DOUBT THAT HE HAS THE MENTAL CELERITY TO BECOME PART OF THE PROJECT.
OUT

To: WINNEBAGO
From: GOOSE
Date: [REDACTED]
Attachments: 1 (272A6.E441D.6-A, 120 MB)
ATTACHED ARE AUDIO LOGS FROM THE MEETING. PLEASE ADVISE AS TO TRUTH OF HOME SITUATION.
OUT

To: GOOSE
From: WINNEBAGO
Date: [REDACTED]
PLAUSABLE. PARENTS WERE SECONDARY CONCERN GIVEN TEACHING STAFF. INVESTIGATING.
OUT

To: BALL
From: GOOSE
Date: [REDACTED]
Attachments: 1 (27391.E441D.A-A, 3.18 GB)
ATTACHED ARE AUDIO LOGS FROM MEETING WITH FAMILY. UNSURE IF I AM BEING OBFUSCATED OR NOT. PLEASE ADVISE.
OUT

To: GOOSE, WINNEBAGO, TREE, DAKOTA
From: BALL
Date: [UNAVAILABLE]
CANIDATE F484 IS CONFIRMED CLEARED FOR PROCEEDURE, TO BE NOW ADDRESSED AS RECRUIT F484. BRING HIM IN. YOUR FINAL TARGET IS F491. PROBABILITY FOR CLEARANCE: 28.25 PERCENT. BE ADVISED DEADLINE IS APPROACHING FAST.
OUT

*************
Note by Hive: BZZT! Captain, I have encountered additional encrypted data within this message using a separate key. The encryption keys are old enough to be added to my own databanks upon my creation due to our frequent status in the outer regions of humanity's occupied zone, in case we encountered any of the number of missing ships from the war. Below is the unencrypted message.
*************
I'm sorry I never told you why you were listed as 98.73 Percent.
*************

Communications

March 10

HIVE to ThePhoenixAeon (link)

(asked for HIVE's ID via email)
BZZT! Hive, Class-C AI. ID# D34781-22A01-1412. Primary and Only AI assigned to UNSC Theseus.

bzzt! XO McAllister awaits you. I know what you are doing. I know why. I hope you're wrong...

HIVE to Carver (link, link)

Chair,
I noticed you posted as Hive, yet under your initial login at one point. Is there something you're not telling me? I don't like secrets aboard my vessel.
Captain,
You may want to have your AI run a diagnostic. How strange...
Sincerely,
Chair
My AI diagnostic came back clean after three sweeps. It thinks the anomaly may be attributed to user error or perhaps a ghost in the system. Your take on this?
I think I know what's going on. Pardon me, I need to falsify some data so I can scream at somebody who should know better.

Spacebee Hive to Sqorck: (link, link)

BZZT! Now is not the time Captain. Not while we are investigating. XO McAllister is awaiting you at Airlock 12-C.
Right, sorry I'm on my way. Is there something I should know Hive?
Bzzt! We are still analyzing the data as best we can. It will be a little bit before I complete my own analysis, and I am sure that others will take a little longer. Unless their intuition gives them a faster analysis, of course.

bzzt! I'm not liking what I'm coming up with so far. More when I have more.

Spacebee Hive to Raigns: (link)

BZZT! I am coordinating my analysis of the situation. Interference prevents me from observing the situation directly. I am also attempting to keep panic on the ship to a minimum. I have resorted to using jokes from Carlyle Johnson movies. I have had three threats to my data core already. I think it is working.
March 12

HIVE to Sclamons (link)

Hive, in Chair's communication on 03/05/2016 (subject line "Captain, not everyone is blowing you off..."), he mentioned a site I would have to log in to. Have you received any more information about that site or its login information?
bzzt! I believe that she was referring to the local Secure Console Network. Just before you began using it as much as your Command Neural Interface it re ci ev ed a massive ONI-clearance upgrade. The reasons were for greater security, better routing for off-ship communications, and greater usability. It is this same upgrade that appears to be preventing me from accessing the message tracking details. It also auto-routes the messages you send to the unknown address without accessing any of my systems. I only apply my decryption cyphers and language filters as you go to open the message.

bzzt! Please pardon the lag.
March 13

HIVE to Sclamons (link)

I've been worried about you. Your performance of late has been rather... erratic. I want to make sure all of my crew is in tip-top shape, and I hope you'll be able to perform all of your duties.

The tech monkeys in engineering won't give me a straight answer about one thing, Hive. Where is your core computing center housed? I've never quite understood whether you're housed entirely here on ship or if you reside somewhere back at ONI headquarters or what. Could you clarify that issue for me?
bzzt! My apologies for my behavior. The self-diagnostic means that I suffer from data lag. For a human, lag is simply a slow responses or inattentiveness. For an AI it disrupts our core systems, throwing us into disarray. It is akin to a mild form of epilepsy or autism. Where once we could speak as the data is processed we have to wait for it to arrive. This can lead to a backroll of data to be processed by a single stack, leading to even greater lag. This can cause disruption across the entire system, causing personality faults, calculation errors, and generally a miserable time for all. This is in addition to what you humans associate with lag from a computer.

bzzt! I am located in 3-23-A, the most heavily shielded and secure portion of the ship. The next most secure location is the mess, followed by the cryo bays. The engineers in charge of maintaining the hardware I am connected to have always been protective of that. They fear that in an emergency crew may seek out my processing center as a safe haven, which would only make matters worse.

bzzt! That and it can get pretty hot in here. Captain Sinclair used to have to chew people out for stripping whenever they had to shut off my coolant system for maintenance for just a few minutes. There was a video sharing ring by the male crew, and the then head of my engineers would only assign female crew members to do anything with the cooling system in my core. Last I checked, he is still currently in prison following his court martial once the video ring was discovered.
March 16

HIVE to Guywired (link)

Current time and date please.
I don't want to be late for any appointments.
bzzt! The date is currently 03/15/2612, 1723 SST

Notes

  • LoneRanger 2.5 noted that March 9th is the date that all seventy-five SPARTAN-II transcripts underwent a series of dangerous biological augmentations. (src)
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